What I Learned From Going Through My Old Diaries

1. You never know who the enemy is


For some reason, I thought I was a spy during junior school. This meant that everyone, even innocent roofers or school inspectors, became “suspects” in the “case” (????)

I even got my friends involved:

“I asked her if she could spy on a meeting for me today. She said she’d phone later. This is how it went down:

‘Hey Tegan’

‘It’s been a long time Porky, I thought you’d retired’ ” (2004)

2. People can be bitches

“Everyone on Neopets is being mean to me!!!!!” (2004)

“Miss Timms decided to move me for no apparent reason. I think it was my glasses.” (2009) – lest we forget the huge fake glasses I used to wear, just as a fashion statement…

I sincerely apologise to everyone who actually needs glasses
“Miss Gardener said my socks weren’t appropriate for school because they had red ribbons on!!! She also gave me a lunchtime isolation for wearing nail polish! I seriously hate her. She’s obviously never experienced laughter.” (2009)

3. Sometimes, we can feel lost with ourselves…

I’m sure the day will come, darling

4. It’s good to have a high opinion of yourself sometimes

“I was sick off school today. I drew on my Megasketcher. I expect everyone will ask where I was tomorrow.” (2005)


Don’t hang around with geeks !!!1!!!1!!!! – xoxo, Tegan’s School Survival Guide

5. Even if sometimes it’s downright fictional

“I’m a straight A student cheerleader with a cool bedroom and large wardrobe!” (2005)

6. Life can be tough

For god’s sake, Pellet
“I really should take water to school with me but I already have too much to worry about!” (2009)

“How can you go for the natural look when the natural look is so….ew?” (2009)

“It was so hard getting up this morning. We were up all night eating Kinder Buenos.” (2008)

7. It’s important to be educated

“We had to do this thing at school about avoiding alcohol/smoking/drugs. Our table did smoking. We said ‘this is Johnny at 17’ and Johnny was taking a cigarette (or was it drugs??? Yes). Then we said ‘this is Johnny at 25’. And Johnny was lying on the floor – dead.” (2005)

“Whats a slut??? Is it rude??? They mentioned it on a 12 but hello… that was a 12!!!!” (2004)

“I’ve changed my reading book to ‘The Demon Headmaster’. It’s dead appropriate for school, except that we have a headmistress and she’s really nice.” (2004)

8. You can’t put a price on friendship

“I stabbed Alec in the eye with a biro, and he had to go to hospital! So I was gonna give him £1.50 and a hug today to say sorry but I forgot my lunch so I used the money to buy yum yums after school instead.” (2010)

9. Don’t do drugs, kids

“In science I ate a WHOLE SACHET of Kool-Aid!! You’re supposed to put HALF of it in a bottle of water but I ate the whole thing! We all got high off it OMG it was so funny!
Then in Maths, I came off the high and my head was killing me.”

10. This


11. Don’t try and make your own zine without the proper equipment



12. I wrote great fan fiction


13. Never forget – you have the POWER

“After lunch, we had form. I started a Justice for Gingers campaign.” (2009)

“She’s so optimistic we’ll get through the Talent Show auditions, but we won’t. I should know, I’m the psychic one. I get deja vu a lot. I think I can see things before they happen – in my dreams. I have to keep it a deadly secret though!!” (2004)

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