On Dealing With Other People

Hello!

I have migrated from Blogspot to WordPress, mainly because I was getting pissed off about not being able to set a featured image to my posts. Yeah, it’s the little things.

What I’ve learned over the past few weeks: Sometimes people love you, sometimes people hate you, and sometimes people are just downright awful. You gotta take the rough with the smooth. Or, you know, get them fired.

Wow, OK, so it’s been about ten years, what’s everyone up to, has anyone got married/had any children since I last posted something?!

I actually have been really busy recently, no lie. I worked at Royal Ascot for a week, then spent a week in Morocco, then spent a week working at Hampton Court Palace, then spent a week training for and subsequently attending the Future Cheer Nationals in Bournemouth. So, yeah. Forgive me.

The Ascot mentality

But during this hectic period, I have had to work with and deal with lots of different people, and it has made me think a lot about how we respond to each other.

At Royal Ascot, I didn’t really get to know anyone because the staff changed every day. So the only bullshit I had to put up with was from customers. It was doable enough. Even though everyone was rude as hell.

However, I’ve realised there needs to be two distinct ways in which we respond to people being rude. Some situations you just have to deal with and get over. Others, you need to fight back, hard.

But firstly…

When people are nice – it’s awesome. Appreciate it.

In Morocco, it was a completely different ball game.
I was so taken aback at how genuinely selfless and kind people were. We went during Ramadan, where, as I’m sure most of you know, Muslim people aren’t allowed to eat/drink until the sun goes down. All week, I observed taxi drivers and waiters who were so committed to God and their religion that they wouldn’t eat/drink in 40 degree heat, but would still have the upmost patience and respect for tourists. They would work just as hard, with no complaints. It made me so angry that Muslims get such a bad rep cos they were honestly the nicest people I met. In fact, on the last night, I was brought back to the Earth shattering reality of the disgusting Westernised world we live in when Mike and I went to a bar and saw beautiful young women being bought by old, fat, white men intent on taking them back to their hotel and shagging them for money like they’d just bought a rug or something.

But sometimes, people aren’t nice – but you just have to deal with it

So after this week of being treated with such kindness, I returned to the UK with the not so friendly reminder that, oh yeah, no, not everyone likes you. And this, stupidly enough, is something I have really had trouble dealing with.
When I was working at Hampton Court, I was working at a particular restaurant (won’t name and shame), where the staff clearly had their favourites, and their not so favourites. I made friends with all of the other waitresses and they were all lovely, but it seemed as if the managers had set up a divide between us. I was in the lesser category. I was obviously, between them, deemed lazy for not being in the right place at the right time, and was subsequently stuck on the door hostessing for two days – a really lonely, sucky, boring job, where 60 year old men will slap your bum and call you their girlfriend. I told the managers about this and they just said “get in there girl!” and stuck me on the door again to “bring more men in”. My only worth in that restaurant was looking nice and being objectified. I suck it up though, as they were my employers.
After that day, I sat in a car park with  Mike and sobbed. And I don’t even know why. It was ridiculous. Why did I care so much what these people thought about me? I just couldn’t stand the thought that a group of people were looking down on me, and thinking I wasn’t doing a good job. I hated being one of the bad ones. Which is stupid, because in retrospect it was one week of my life, and I was never going to see these people again, and who even cares what they thought of me? I told myself I would probably be earning double their salary in twenty years. But that didn’t change the fact that there were people who had obviously said bad things/thought  bad things about me, and that really upset me.

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Similarly, I have lost a few friends recently because of my relationship choices. To have someone tell me that “yeah that lot don’t really like you anymore” was kind of upsetting. I am the kind of person who has a tough exterior – if I feel people are treating me unfairly I’ll be like “lol fuck them then they’re just idiots” but on the inside, oh man, I seriously have trouble dealing with it. And I know this is something I need to work on. Is anyone else the same? I know it’s hard but I guess we just have to remind ourselves that we can’t please everyone.

And other times, people aren’t nice – but THEY DESERVE TO BE TAKEN DOWN A NOTCH AND YOU SHOULD NOT HAVE TO DEAL WITH IT, AT ALL

This was a recent incident that taught me a very important lesson: sometimes, you DON’T and you SHOULDN’T have to put up with people being assholes.

Last night, I was at the pub with my boyfriend Mike and our friend Aljec. We were having a grand old time, even though there was no drunkenness involved really. We were sat outside in the smoking area, when a girl who works there arrived to sit down and have a cigarette. She sat down at a table with a bunch of guys who it soon transpired also worked there, but it was their night off.
They soon started calling her a whore and joking about her boyfriend paying for sex. I kept out of it, just looking at my phone (Mike and Aljec had gone to the loo). One guy then said “even that girl over there’s judging you!”

I looked up and promptly responded “I’m actually judging you guys for being total dicks to this girl. She can do whatever she wants.” I then asked them “if you had sex with multiple people, would you get called a whore?” to which he responded yes, and I just thought, well this is going nowhere. Mike and Aljec returned, and the duty manager also came out for a cigarette, as the pub was closing.
I don’t really know how this conversation escalated, but I remember this same guy looking over at our table and saying to me “I’d touch you”, as if that was somehow a compliment???? OK….
So then it all just kicked off. I ranted at him massively. He made comments such as “I wanked into the glass you’re drinking out of” and even called himself a rapist. He was just all round a total piece of work. But it was kind of tragic and pathetic. When I sassed at him that he was going to spend the rest of his life wanking into socks because he would never find a girlfriend, he said “yeah I’m fine with that”. Er, OK mate, bit embarrassing.

Anyway it really put a downer on the evening because I was reminded how vile and misogynistic some men can be. I stormed out of the pub and down the street, whilst Mike had a word with the manager.

After posting the story on Facebook, I received a pretty big response. People told me I should report it, and well done for being so brave and not letting him get away with it. But in my head he had got away with it. So maybe he got a bit told off from the manager, so what? My words obviously hadn’t changed his mind. I needed some further action.
So anyway I emailed his manager and it looks like he’s getting fired :))))

Don’t be afraid that you won’t be taken seriously!

The important thing to remember is – in situations like this, you CAN’T let them get away with it. Attitudes need to change. This is far too common, it’s practically an everyday occurrence. A lot of women might have been too shy/ashamed to have even responded to him, let alone take the steps to get him fired, and that’s awful. People, women in particular, please know – it’s not too trivial. NOTHING gives people the right to speak to you like that. So, if that ever happens to any of you (which, sadly, I’m sure it probably will), don’t be afraid to take action because the chances are, it will be taken seriously.

WOW, sorry, that was a huge long post.
If you made it this far, well done! Sorry for the wordy rant.

Anyway that’s all from me for now, stay safe

Tegan xo

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3 thoughts on “On Dealing With Other People

    1. tbh it doesnt even take being ballsy like yeah shouting at them is awesome but anyone could send an email to the pub, and people should deffo do that in that situation! 😉 xo

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